Neurodiversity is a fact . Billions of neurons connecting in an infinite numbers of ways, firing out messages constantly between these connections. Brain plasticity means these connections are ever changing , our brains are so very unique. Why would we then we process and interact with our environment in the same way and why do we expect to ?

Neurodivergence naturally arises from this diversity, an overlap and group of similarities in how individuals process and interact with the world. How we communicate, process emotions and interact, we all do so differently . At which point on this continuum does society deem too ‘different’ ? So different from the expectation that it becomes a ‘ behaviour’ or a ‘symptom’ something to be fixed. Something to be labelled.

Neurons ultimately control and are controlled by our sensory systems, our interface with the world. How many we have is debated , usually the focus is on 8. A way to visualise this is each of these senses as a slider on a sound mixer board.

The predominant neurotype population have good control of these systems, autistic brains do not. Thus our sliders move constantly or are stuck way beyond the middle (‘typical’). Dysregulation and living outwith our window of tolerance becomes the norm until inevitable overwhelm and meltdown.

I have became an expert in my own sensory systems and am privileged to be able to go some way to manage these.

Proprioception ( an awareness of self movement and body position in space ) and vestibular awareness are often changeable for me. The feeling like your falling through space , the ground giving way beneath you used to be terrifying. Passed of as panic attacks and anxiety in the past now is nothing but a warning to take 5 minutes to reset. Stimming , swaying and rocking can fix this. I see this in the children I support , they have a fantastic ability to be true to themselves and what they need to regulate- and for most part being allowed to stim and the right physical environment can prevent a crisis.

It’s not always the case , I don’t always get it right , but I can at least try, I can at least support them to continue to be true to themselves and know what they need- something they often do better than me . I can somewhat understand that the crisis and outburst of emotion that ‘came from nowhere’ came from some hidden sensory overload and try to support this.

We don’t use lights much in my classroom, our huge square ceiling lights are certainly not designed with sensory differences in mind. As I watch a child avoid the reflections on the floor I wonder if they see it like me. I have no idea when emotionally I’m overwhelmed until it’s massive , however as I’m approaching this point the lights appear like columns , it’s a sign the energy I have available to stay regulated and manage is dissipating. I suspect this is a constant way of being for a lot of the children I support. I suspect they don’t see the room as others do and my ‘light columns ‘ are just a tiny insight into their reality. That and the ground constantly falling from beneath them, constant noises they can’t understand and being flooded with a fear they can’t process, they show in any way they can, but how do you communicate ‘help’ when your so overwhelmed you don’t know what you need, you can’t verbalise or communicate it. The world will never feel safe enough or predictable enough.

Interoception – the ability to read internal signals from your body is set to 0 for me. I did not occur to me that other people could do this , I do not know if I’m hungry, thirsty , hot, cold or overwhelmed until it’s massive. I suspect a lot of challenges in my classroom come from this hidden sense or lack thereof.

How this links to emotional processing I don’t quite understand yet but I know it does. I don’t know if I’m stressed , scared or tired until approaching overload and an inability to function . Luckily I am privileged to use my understanding of this and sensory systems to ‘pause’ the inevitable meltdown, drive home, put my children to bed before the inevitable falling apart. I remember being perplexed when after particularly challenging times a collègue would say her ‘ heart was racing ‘ being a sensation I only get during exercise I couldn’t understand that actually she was telling she had been stressed and scared. This miscommunication led to her feeling unsupported and me perplexed as to why. Hence an inevitable argument , this hadn’t been the only ‘cue’ I’d missed. Her understanding and compassion of autism , of the label I wasn’t ready to accept for myself yet, saved our working relationship and friendship. A perfect example of the power of Labels without judgement.

I suspect that these missing limits on the ‘sliders or controls’ contribute to my ADD cluster of ‘ behaviours ‘. My impulsivity and unawareness of consequences. I don’t feel scared or stressed at the right time , I can’t read my own body signals and emotions thus despite an over empathy I certainly can’t read other people’s emotions. At least not ‘ in time’ to avoid misunderstandings.

So the children we label ‘ complex and challenging ‘ also find us complex and challenging. On top of these constantly changing sliders on their sensory systems in an environment that overwhelms is emotional processing. A brain with numerous ‘different’ connections and ways of interacting with the world is also going to process emotions differently, this leads to the ‘ behaviours ‘ and challenges we try to stop. The reality is at times these outbursts are our only way in , our only way to begin to understand, it always means ‘help me’ . If we are going to label we need to use the power behind this, use it for understanding and compassion to communicate in the way a child needs, the relationship that will follow will be a far more effective way to help and hopefully give a more effective way to ask for help, just as on a much smaller scale my collègue did for me.

I am in awe of the children I support , I have a tiny insight into the terrifying and unpredictable world they live in, but yet they find joy in everything and seek connections and relationships , they do this in so many ways, they ask for help in so many ways and that takes courage. A courage I don’t often have. So lets not pass this off as ‘ behaviours, symptoms and challenges ‘. Let’s use it for what it is – a way to connect with compassion and understanding.

This does not begin to explain neurodivergence I haven’t even touched on communication styles, language processing and a host of other factors in the complexity of the human brain , complex and diverse as we are , we are all human.